Don't let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy
Child inside you there's a strength that lies
Don't let your soul get lonely
Child it's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness
Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now
Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
Cause walls will only crush you when they fall
they all fall
Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now
I tend to get drawn into a lot of my dad's interests. He has a way of convincing you that his idea is THE idea. I love asking critical questions so much because growing up, my dad would tell me what he thought about something and I'd want to dig deeper and see if his idea had any foundation. I'm pretty much a vegan because he talks about it a lot, and I have a hard time challenging the research he spurts out at me.
My dad has always told me to "maximize your strengths more than you minimize your weaknesses." And it makes sense, but I've always resisted this idea. I've spent (and probably wasted) most of my life trying to be my brother. I've always tried to be as focused, disciplined, efficient, and even as frugal as he is. But I'm just not wired that way. I need to be distracted. Everyday has to be different. Structure and routine suck the life out of me.
I came to my dad's office today to read for my classes, just to study in a different environment... and I rarely get in a nostalgiac, "let's bring up the warm, fuzzy memories" type of mood, but there's just something about my dad's office. It's always chaotic, with the "paper vomit" of a man with a million thoughts at once... but there's order too, if you move a stack of papers a couple feet away, he'll eventually turn the office upside down, franticaly asking where it went. And it's this environment that makes me think of his basement office in the house I grew up in, where I'd spend hours asking my dad questions about what he's read or learned, what he thought about my boyfriend or God or how pretty I was or... anything. And he'd always answer with something, he'd always engage, even if he was doing something else at the same time.
And I think that's why I like writing. It's my grown-up version of the conversations I used to have with my dad. This time I get to take a shot at the answers. I'm not sure I'm good at writing. But I know I'm drawn to it, I know I have to do it. I know how it makes me feel.
I only hate conclusions, I hate wrapping things up. Conclusions always sound too wordy, like you're trying to hang up the phone, but you don't want to be impolite.
Well... it was nice talking to ya.
You know, we really should talk more often.
And let's talk again sometime.
And don't forget to say hi to _____ for me.
Have a good one.
Okay.
(Dear God, I'm imprisoned by this conversation.
Please set me fr-)
All right.
Talk to ya later.
GOODBYE!!!
I was talking with my boyfriend the other day about beauty. He was telling me how he was talking to this beautiful woman once and she told him that she had many flaws. He didn't believe her, he couldn't see any flaws. But this is what women do, we see our flaws and we spend a lot of time trying to hide them.
A few months ago, I saw Caramel, a Lebonese film about women in a beauty salon. The film was filled with physically attractive women, but I thought Rose was the most beautiful. She just had this way about her. There's this scene where she's getting ready for a date with this older gentleman. Her hair is all done up and she has bright green eyeshadow on... and then something stops her in her tracks, makes her believe she's not good enough... and we have to suffer through this heartbreaking scene of her slowly removing her makeup. I was yelling "NO!" at the screen the first time I watched it.
I think after seeing that, I was convinced that I wouldn't make that mistake. I have no idea where I stand on the raw, physical beauty scale. Every once in a while a guy will ask me for my number at a gas station or a restaurant, so I figure I've got something to offer, but even then, I really don't know what translates to on a scale. I guess I just care more about what I do with what I have, and especially whether or not I have Rose's brand of beauty, b/c it really does shine through.
"A weed is no more than a flower in disguise,
Which is seen through at once, if love give a man eyes." - James Russell Lowell
...I think it's true.
